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The Defective Doll
Are you sure about kids?
Perhaps it’s to guarantee closeness with a partner. Perhaps it’s to feel a sense of self-worth, value, and validation. Perhaps it’s for societal esteem. Perhaps it’s because giving a child what they never had would heal their own traumas. Parents don’t really admit to the reasons that they have children or want them.
I remembered growing up with a girl with whom I went to church. She was adopted, just like myself. She had two parents, loved to sing, and loved babies even from a young age. All around seemed like a normal child. But once her brother came into the picture things went south.
Fast forward to our 20s and she ended up with not 1 but 2 children. She ended up a single mom, like me, but our parenting differed wildly. She would show off how much she loved her kids on media but behind closed doors, she yelled and ignored them. I was shocked, to say the least. This woman was always the one who wanted and loved kids her whole life, yet here she was seemingly bothered by them now. For her, it seemed to have children was to feel a sense of self-worth, love, value, and validation. (having known her past)
One of the most common dynamics that we see in the world today is that a parent wants a child that will satisfy their needs in the same way that a doll satisfies the needs of a four-year-old…
